Sleeping – baking – thinking – distance – torn – what?

Spending time with someone one a very different sleep/wake cycle is tough…but not for the most obvious reasons. In general, I think I usually get about the same amount of sleep I would normally get (me with my insomnia and all that).

The difference really shows up in what I am doing with the time I am awake. When I’m home alone, I can cook, clean, do laundry, work, watch TV and go for a run in a variety of combinations at pretty much any time. I like a nice midnight run (although I haven’t done many since I lost my 100 pound running partner). I get that second wind and can clean and bake and write papers like nobody’s business at 2 am. But when you are sharing that space with another person….well, all that changes. Especially if you’d rather be next to that person hanging out than doing any of those other things.

More than one friend of mine has been known to say that they prefer not living with their partner, that they appreciate their alone time and want to have their own space. I have one friend who is pretty adamant about it, saying that she thinks that is the only way to have a long term domestic partner…to live in separate places. I have most often been opposed to that idea myself. I like coming home to someone else, or getting home knowing that someone else is on their way. I like cooking and eating with another person. I enjoy talking and going over things with the person I love face to face.

In my current situation, things are radically upturned. Being a short-timer here means that lots of things I wouldn’t normally do I’ve done, not to mention the things I would have done that I haven’t. Knowing that I have such limited time, things are different and my own priorities are different. Which is great and has worked out well…except for the things that I’ve let slide by, like cleaning and laundry and work and such. It’s possible some of that stuff would be sliding by no matter my personal relationship status…but probably not like this.

And then there is the next part to consider. What about that? I’ve done the long distance relationship a time or two, and know a little bit about how it works from my side, anyway. I know which things I really really miss and which things I can kind of get around for a while. We were out Sunday and were talking to a couple that had a long distance relationship for 6 years before finally living together – and they have been together 25 years! That was nice to hear…and it got me to thinking.

I happen to be a talker/discusser/analyzer and this has been on my mind. First, I’m living closer to another human being than I have in a while for longer than I have in a while and then after Sunday, I won’t be. We’ll be far apart. Although I have no evidence that it will help, I feel a strong need to talk about it, to dissect it, to figure out what can be done about which parts.

Sitting here in my box-filled living room I am torn. I am thrilled to be setting out on my new adventure, and bummed about leaving – leaving this state, my house, my practice, my friends, my partner. Torn.

And scattered. No, really, I think I started here to talk about the way I’d like my home life to look…and I ended up here, feeling sad.

Ok, off to do some more packing.


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