Change – the only constant

My earliest memories are of leaving. Leaving home, leaving people and places I loved. I moved a lot as a kid and then moved some more as an adult. I stayed in one place for year or less for more than 10 years in Colorado. I went from there to South Carolina, to Milan, to Cairo, to Georgia and finally to Minnesota.The thing is,  I like leaving…and arriving in new places. I like the  challenge of a new place, meeting new people, discovering new territory. There were times that I loved the move – where I saw it as a good idea, something fun, something romantic, something necessary. Once in a while, moving difficult and sad, but not too often. Sometimes I was running away a bit, and sometimes running towards.

As some of you know, I haven’t been that happy in MN overall, so the likelihood that I would be leaving for my internship placed this move in the former category. I was sure that the move would be a good one, obviously necessary and maybe a bit of running from AND running towards. A year ago, I was ready to leave MN and get on with things, get back to my “real life.”

And then things changed. The first change isn’t really new – it came with my Rumi. She was the first real friend I made in MN and currently owns the BFF title. She moved in with me after we finished grad school and flipped my life over. She stayed in my house about a year and we really got to know each other well. We were each out of work at some point during that year and for a brief time we were out of work together. Ah, the hours spent watching re-runs of Judging Amy, me in my chair, she in the Big Red Chair, snuggled in blankets while the contractors worked on the furnace – I think it was November. Late night conversations and baking ensued. She demystified some Minnesotan behaviors for me – which helped me know her better, and to relax some of my prejudices.

Choir changed things too – I joined the Twin Cities Women’s Choir and found a community of women that was completely unexpected. While I never did really get into the “inner circle” there, I really did feel a part of something grander every time we sang. I met some great women who gave me yet another look at Minnesotans.

And, well, yes, I got married (and divorced) here too. I won’t get into all that, but it changed me, my life, and my future choices too.

The next big change came as a result of I met some very fine people through the meetups I joined, but most especially were the Ladies from Spades. I joined the spades meetup and it was great – still is – but the best part was getting to know a particular group of women outside the regular meetup. We usually do play spades, but more than that, we talk, and even more than that, we laugh. I feel remarkably relaxed when I am with them. I once said that they were “almost like friends” and was nearly cut down by the glare of one of the ladies. I actually meant it as a compliment – for me a friend is more than the Google definition – A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations. For me a friend is all that, yes, but also someone who you can count on in a bind, someone you can call when you feel lost, someone who loves you even when you are not at your best. I was just beginning to see the possibility of that when I uttered those words. And now…yeah…things have changed (have I said that already?).

Finally, there’s the MTR. I won’t go into that now (it pretty much deserves it’s own post), suffice it to say that it has changed my thoughts and feelings about being here and leaving radically.

My “real life” seems to be here, now. I mean, right here, right now. I guess it’s true, what John Lennon said, ‘Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

We live in a moment of history where change is so speeded up that we begin to see the present only when it is already disappearing. R. D. Laing


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