Attention!

You cannot notice what-is and complain about it, and be a vibrational match to the solution. When you were living the problem, you were asking for the solution, and Source said yes immediately. So, there’s never a reason for you to be wallowing around in a problem for more than about a second? You can get so good at this that before you’re even aware that the problem has gotten started, you’ve already got the solution under way.

— Abraham

So….I know this idea, about putting my attention on the things I want in the world, rather than the ways things are not working out for me, and yet I keep talking about what I am not getting with this internship business. I can’t seem to believe much in any affirmation that I have thought of so far, but after reading this quote I decided I needed to do something – and this is what I did.

I am going to miss Minnesota. I know I have been talking bad about the state for years, and that is probably wrong (more of that affirming what I DON’T want), but the truth is I will miss it. I love the snow, even when people are complaining and it’s a hassle to get out of the driveway. I love the bragging rights that come from living somewhere so climatically inhospitable. I like the summers, too, not too hot for too long, but plenty of good, warm days. I like that I can go running at noon without fear of heatstroke (for myself, anyway). I love my house, even with the mouse problem and dying water heater. I love that it has housed me so well these 8 years and that it has signs of me in every room.

I’ll miss my office – that might sound strange to some – but it is the first office I have ever had that was all mine. All my furniture, decorations and equipment. It has held laughter and tears and learning. I feel completely at home there. It’s a source of pride, too, this place that is the outward manifestation of myself as a business owner. When I got that name plaque on my door I really felt as if I had arrived, as if all those years of education finally had meaning.

Finally!

The things I’ll miss the most, of course, are not things at all, but people. I will miss first and foremost my very own rumi, who befriended me when no one else would, who calls me on my shit and supports me when I’m dumb. I will miss being able to sit with her in the living room for hours watching TV – with more pauses than TV sometimes as we chat. I will miss sharing goodies and laughing at silly things. I will miss treating her with popcorn and sweets and being treated to eggs from the farm. We live apart now and that’s probably good, because already we find ways to connect when we can’t actually be together, but I will still miss her in ways that I cannot even begin to describe.

I’ll miss choir, too. Joining the Twin Cities Women’s Choir was a big thing for me. First because I was terrified just to join, and second because they were so welcoming when I did. I have met some wonderful women there and have really enjoyed stretching my singing muscles week after week. I even enjoy memorizing the songs. I love that feeling of accomplishment as we sing each piece. many voices coming together to create something unique.

Twin Cities Women’s Choir

Not to mention the fact that just now, as I am readying myself to leave I seem to have made friends, finally. I found people who like to play cards with me and talk shit while doing it. They text spontaneously to get together and can talk equally about dating and making money. I filled a table for the very first time at Divas and Desserts. A classmate suddenly reached out to me with warmth and kindness. My stepson and I have reconnected in a great way.

And yet…I am looking forward to this move. I am excited to be reaching towards a new place, with all the new discoveries that will entail. It will be different than other moves – in more ways than one. For one thing, I have moved many times, most times really, by the seat of my pants, with no job or real idea what I would do when I got to where ever I was going. This move will have purpose and work attached to it. I will know that I have a job and a place before I get there. Thanks to the internets, I will have mapped out my place and the closest parks and co-ops. In the last ten years I have learned to behave in ways that support my beliefs, too, which means before I go I’ll also know where to get fresh local food and I will have probably bought my first share at a local CSA. I will be looking for a community choir to join and checking for meditation centers and maybe even a Center for Spiritual Living!

I’m eager to begin working, also. I look forward to the opportunity to really put into practice the things I have spent the last 4 years learning. I am excited about doing clinical assessments for children and families and do the hands on training that helps me to solidify that learning. I like the idea of working in a clinic, with a multidisciplinary team, too. I have loved my private practice but if it weren’t for school over the last few years I think it would have been more difficult and somewhat lonely. I value the idea of working as a team to help strengthen a family. I can’t wait to start on the next leg of my journey, developing into a psychologist.

Not that I am not nervous, mind you. I am nervous about going to a new place, staring all over again, again. I get a little sick feeling when I wonder what it will be like to be working as a psychologist and hope that the clinic I go to is a place that is welcoming and supportive. I expect a place that values my experience and challenges me to grow and improve. I look forward to learning and growing and developing a sense of professional identity.

Kinda long for an affirmation, huh?

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Rumi on April 1, 2011 at 6:42 am

    Though I am crying now because I simply refuse to fully take in what it will be like when you go, I am also quite excited for your new adventure and know it will be exactly the right place for you to learn and grow. It is lovely that you will have one more place to call home .

    Reply

  2. I will so miss you!

    Reply

  3. […] yet, coming home from Minneapolis, it’s hard not to notice what San Francisco is missing. It’s missing my very best friend and her family. It’s missing my kid. It’s […]

    Reply

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