Today’s big D? Dread

So, I’m having one of those days. No, maybe it’s more like one of those weeks. I have this feeling of dread, this kind of heavy sensation in the pit of my stomach. I feel like I am about to get caught doing something wrong. Which might be worth it if I were doing something wrong that I was enjoying. Thing is, I can’t think of anything I might be doing that could be causing that feeling.

I thought it might be related to putting off that phone call to my mom, but I called her so that’s over. No relief. I’m not sure what it is, but as I’ve been typing, my dissertation has popped into my mind several times. Maybe I am feeling guilty about that? Where the heck is my timeline for that? Just a second…

Ok, I don’t think that’s it, but it could be, since it has cropped up several times and as I was reading the email from my chair the feeling worsened. I will email him today and maybe that will help some.

The other thing that keeps coming up for me is that I hate my living room. Yes, that sounds kind of silly, I realize that, but it really seems to be affecting me. I moved it all around a week or two ago, and I just cannot seem to find my balance since then. And since this is the room where I do everything, that cannot be good. Maybe today will also involve re-arranging the furniture… The thing about the room is that it isn’t very conducive to change. The room is long and narrow and I have too many large things in it. Maybe it’s time to eliminate some things? Which makes me think of the treadmill, which makes me think of the cost of that…which definitely also made a new twist in my stomach…maybe it’s really all about money!

Money is one of those topics, neh? Either I am feeling really good about it or very bad. These days, there seems to be little middle ground on this topic for me. Maybe I need to check out that NovaDebt thing again.

Well, I was hoping writing this would help, but I think I feel worse than before. Better stop while I’m behind, here. Maybe a trip to the library will help.


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